I don't want to follow death and all of his friends.

My "Best Albums of 2010"

2011-01-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

Usually I am not really into female singers nor country/folksy music. But this year has been an all around different year for me in my musical likings. So here is my top whatever, we'll see how many I end up with.

Anberlin - Dark is A Way Light is A Place

Broken Bells - self titled

The Dead Weather - Sea of Cowards

The Gaslight Anthem - American Slang

Jeff Richmond - 30 Rock Soundtrack

Grace Potter & The Nocturnals - self titled

Kate Nash - My Best Friend is You

Michael Franti & Spearhead - The Sound of Sunshine

The National - High Violet

Over the Rhine - The Long Surrender

Ray Lamontagne & The Pariah Dogs - God Willing and The Creek Don't Rise

Lissie - Catching A Tiger

The Black Keys - Brothers

Florence + The Machine - Lungs : Not released in 2010 but made itself well known in the US and I've been obsessed with it.

And the only one that really matters. My favorite album of 2010: Elizabeth & The Catapult - The Other Side of Zero

Thought I would include some lyrics from one of the songs. This is called the Horse and The Missing Cart.

You don't wanna live by too many morals

Despite what your elders whispered in the cradle

Don't wanna write the end before the start

You don't wanna dwell on what is beyond you

Despite what your better virtues may tell you

You don't want to put the horse before the you know what,

You know what

Cuz it's best not to live by too many morals

Enjoy the first sip before you finish the bottle

Don't wanna lie in that bed before you've made it

And don't second guess something once you believe it

The world keeps on turning if you take it or leave it

Don't want to put the course before the heart

Because you don't want to write that finishing line

Before you recall that arc in your mind

Careful to not be so careful before you step outside

You don't want to paint that finishing touch

Until you recall what you're dreaming of

You don't want to preach yourself out

Out of too much life. Too much life

Cuz it's best not to dwell on some other man's fortunes

Another man's cravings, another girls portions

Don't want to bet that sum before the parts

Best not to fancy too many favors

The more you win now, the less you will later

Don't want to put that horse before the cart

And you don't want to whine before you're dragged under

Best to jump now and think on it after

It's best to be stupid and selfish while you're still young

Cuz you don't want to be so overly cautious

So fucking worried you're lost in the process

Best to forget yourself now, right at the start.

Because you don't want to write that finishing line

Before you recall that arc in your mind

Careful to not be so careful before you step outside

You don't want to paint that finishing touch

Until you recall what you're dreaming of

You don't want to preach yourself out

Out of too much life. Don't wanna preach yourself out

Out of too much life. Don't wanna preach yourself out.

K bye!

Go Butler!!!

2010-04-05T19:30:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to The Swell Season's new album "Strict Joy". The title of the album is a little deceiving to me because it seems to be anything but joyful. Which just so happens to fit my mood recently. It's a great album and I love how Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova blend their voices together so well. I can feel every word they sing by the emotion in their voices.

Anyway, here are some of the lyrics that have really been getting to me:

I wanna sit you down and talk

I wanna pull back the veils and find out what it is I've done wrong

I wanna tear these curtains down

I want you to meet me somewhere tonight in this old tourist town

And we'll go

Low rising, 'cause we've gotta come up

We've gotta come up, low rising

'Cause there's no further for us to fall, low rising

'Cause I fear we've had enough and we're low rising

Oh, for the love of you

"Low Rising"

You were restless

I was somewhere less secure

So I went running to the road

And so now there's a long list of places I was

I quit my rambling and came home

'Cause maybe I was born to hold you in these arms

Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms

"In These Arms"

Just before the rain came down the sun came out at last

And as for all assumptions made and questions never asked

I know we're not where I promised you we'd be by now

But maybe it's a question of who'd want it anyhow

"The Rain"

There's a light inside us all

It only shines as bright as we are

And you've fallen down so low

I'm really worried for you

I'm really worried

And even on our worst days we were never quite like this, no

We've gone as far as we can go without crashing, no

At the heart of every fool is the hope you're stupid too

And there's this lingering

This lingering feeling that I'm missing something

I feel like I'm missing something

"High Horses"

What's the verb to kick it off

To take the time and walk away from it

I'm not playing

That'll never sit with us well

We're far too pious to get out of it

And we're on our way

Running away won't change anything

It only puts it off

Stand on the spot

Work out where you are and take it all from there

"I'm tired of fighting," she said

You words just rattle my head

All joy escapes in the dark and I can't make this make sense

Your words are lost to me now

I cannot take it, I'm out

I'm stuck here kidding myself

You're out there caring somewhere

"The Verb"

But this estranged organ in my chest still beats for you

It will not rest

So meet me in our secret place when the time has come

Rest your head in my lap and I'll beat you out of your own trap

And I'll show you how much you have missed truth

In time we will unite

But you've been every now and then on my mind

You're every now and then on my mind.

"I Have Loved you Wrong"

In time when you word was true

You gave your heart to the ones you knew

And at the dawn of every day there was a light that you gave to me

You gave yourself to a love that conquers

Give everything to a love that conquers

And then you came

And you came real close

You gave the heart what it wanted most

You took your time and you made it clear

Maybe time will erase some things

You ran away with a love that conquers

Too long in the shadows

Too long in the dust

Give yourself to a love that conquers

"Love That Conquers"

The End. K bye.

So Don't Think of Tomorrow Tonight.

2010-03-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. So here's what I'm enjoying recently:

Netflix streaming on the Wii!!!

Neo-noir films.

Music: She and Him "Volume II"

Brand New "Daisy"

David Bazan "Curse Your Branches"

Fun. "Aim and Ignite"

Jon Foreman on Huffington Post

Running.

Simple Salads.

SNL Annuale Skit.

Making sure my yard looks as nice as Neighbor Jack's.

"Clutching Dust and Stars" by Laryn Kragt Bakker

Daffodils.

And did I mention Netflix streaming on Wii!!!!

2010.

2010-01-24T10:16:00.000-08:00

It's almost February and I am just now going to post about resolutions.

It's a little strange because I was traveling on New Years Eve and then celebrated Christmas on January 4, so it didn't really seem like the new year. But now that I have had a few weeks to sink in to a new decade I've got some resolutions. (Mostly inspired by the article in Relevant Magazine.)

Here's my list:

1. I'm going to run the Pittsburgh half marathon in May and possibly the Indianapolis one in the fall. This may not seem like a big deal because I love to run, but I have been struggling with doing anything let alone getting out to the gym or running in the park. So I'm hoping this will give me a goal to look forward to.

2. Memorize a chapter of the bible, not sure which one yet.

3. Learn to pray in a new way.

4. Create.

5. Be more intentional about my relationships.

6. Do something that freaks me out. That was a Relevant suggestion and I think it's great. I'm considering flying to somewhere random because I've never flown and it really freaks me out. Or sky diving or something of that nature.

7. Donate or volunteer with a cause that I care about. I've really wanted to be part of Kiva but have never done it so that is a priority this year as well.

That's it, short and to the point. I suppose I could resolve to blog more, but I doubt that will happen. :)

They don't have to understand you... be still.

2009-10-08T17:04:00.000-07:00

Things I'm in to lately:

Cereal - a mixture of corn chex, granola and raisins, practically every meal.

postsecretcommunity

not working out :)

Nonfat unsweetened vanilla rooibos tea lattes.

fantasy basketball

Music: Flyleaf, Mute Math - Armistice, Snow Patrol "Hands Open"

making my own clothes

the television show Fringe - JJ Abrams is a genius

Acedia & Me - Kathleen Norris

It feels like a brand new day. Open your eyes!

2009-07-14T17:43:00.000-07:00

Uh oh, two days in a row!!! Now we're talkin'! Or blogging rather. Anyway.

My friend Jess loves to take pictures. Recently her camera was broken and she needed to send it in to the manufacturer to get fixed. Then we went to the beach this past weekend and she took an absurd amount of pictures!!

Here's one of them:

In the car the next day I popped in the new Jars of Clay album and when the song "Two Hands" started playing I just kept thinking about standing there on that rock. Here are the lyrics:

"I've been living out of sanity

I've been splitting hairs and blurring lines

I am a house that is divided

In my heart and in my mind

I have a broken disposition

I'm a liar who thirsts for the truth

And while I ache for faith to hold me

I need to feel the scars and see the proof

And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation

Of our souls

And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts

We'll lose control

And it feels like giving in

It feels like starting over

It feels like waking up, and you know it's coming

It feels like a brand new day

Open your eyes

I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high"

I find in my life that I am continually in that struggle. On the rollercoaster of righteousness. Even with my best intentions I fall short. And I may not glorify God every day, in everything that I do, most times I long for just the opposite. But it is refreshing on those days where I am consumed by grace with both hands lifted high.

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things.

2009-07-13T14:12:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a year since my last post. Let's see if I remember how to do this.

Watch this clip from Pretty Woman. We've seen this movie, we know what it's about. Vivian is a prostitute, Edward comes to L.A. and decides to hire a prostitute. That's how they meet. Surprise, surprise they fall for each other. But what we see through the movie is how Edward treats Vivian. She does not feel like she deserves anything better than what she is doing. She has accepted that all she will ever be is a prostitute. Edward comes along and changes that and by the end of the movie he treats her less and less like a prostitute and more like a woman. Through the course of the movie she goes from being a product to being a person. From being bought and sold to being loved and cherished.

Can a fresh word be spoken about me? Can a new word be spoken about me? Or am I defined by what I've done? By who I've been involved with? By my failures, short comings, missteps? Do my sins determine who I am? Or can a fresh new word be spoken about me?

Very often we carry all the words we hear with us. We become worthless, meaningless, stupid, useless, mediocre, fat, weird, insufficient, lazy, unworthy. We carry all of the bad experiences we have had with us. We personify ugliness, evil, destruction, disaster, hate, failure. Over and over we hear and recreate the things in our head. We begin to think maybe all these words are true, that they are all we will ever be. The things that have happened to us begin to own us. We desire for a fresh, new word to be spoken about us.

In Matthew 9, A man comes to Jesus begging him to go see his daughter, who is supposedly already dead. While he's on his way: "A woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If only I touch his cloak, I will be healed." Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter, " he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.

In the time of Jesus this woman would have been labeled unclean. No one would have wanted to be around her. She was looked down upon, ridiculed, made fun of, given dirty looks. She was not allowed to go into the temple, to worship God, because of her uncleanliness. She was an outcast. She had been pushed out of society, kicked to the edge, not welcome.

Then she has the audacity to go up and try to touch Jesus. And of course Jesus responds in a way that no one else ever would have. He looks down at this woman. With all her filthiness and shame. He looks at her and calls her daughter.

So may we come to see that the words we say are important. May we see that the way we talk to people matters. May we be able to reach into people's lives and speak rejuvenation. But may we also see that all those words we have heard, all those things we have felt are old and stale. Jesus longs to speak a fresh, new word about us. "Take heart, daughter."

Lemon out...

(Adapted from a Rob Bell sermon called "New Skirts".)

The summit doesn't differ from the deep, dark valley...

2008-08-01T18:04:00.001-07:00

There is this new website RethinkChristianity, it's a site trying to promote a new way of looking at Christianity, part of the Emerging Church movement. Anyway, the guys that run the site post a question every week (they just started a couple of weeks ago) and open up the question for folks to send in videos of their answers to the question.

Last week the question was: Why do you think so many people are questioning the traditional ways of doing church?

Go to the site. Check out some of the videos. Let me know what you think about what these folks have to say about this question.

I'm not going to put my opinion out there quite yet. I will say that I agree with some of what is said, and don't agree with some of it too.

I am on the fence when it comes to the Emergent Church, but I think that these guys, Mark Scandrette, Tony Jones, and Doug Pagitt, have some good things to offer and I think the questions that they are posing are very relevant to Christians today and need to be addressed. So, I hope that this website takes off....

Let me know what you've got.

... and the valley doesn't differ from the kitchen sink.

What I'm reading now...

2008-07-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of a reader. I'm slow, for some reason I can't skim, I have to take in every word that's on the page. I also don't like fiction or anything that I won't learn something from, so the books that I read are sort of heavy and I have to underline and write in them - which takes me even longer to get through. However, recently I have had this craving to learn and read more about all sorts of things. I have found myself randomly buying books (I don't ever buy a book unless I know for sure it is good) and checking out lots of books from the library.

I wanted to share what I have been reading recently:

Jesus For President - Shane Claiborne
Eat Well: A Spiritual Road Map - Various Contributors, published by Culture Is Not Optional
Christianity and the Social Crisis in the 21st Century - Walter Rauschenbusch (The 100th anniversary edition has commentary at the end of each chapter by folks such as Tony Campolo and Jim Wallis for how what Rauschenbusch said in 1907 still relates to us now.)
Red Letter Christians - Tony Campolo

and...

I just recently picked up the Archaeological Study Bible - it's pretty much amazing and offers archaeological, cultural and historical background throughout. It's pretty interesting stuff and offers a new spin on some of the bible's familiar stories.

That's my two cents for the day...

Food Sacrificed to Idols

2008-06-30T17:12:00.000-07:00

I've been reading this book lately called Eat Well: A Food Road Map. It is published by an organization called Culture is Not Optional. It is a pretty good read; the compile a bunch of essays, art, poems and book recommendations that all have to do with how we eat. There are some that have to do with sustainability, others about the way we eat and the biblical basis for how we should, others about eating locally, etc.

Yesterday I was reading one titled "Food Sacrificed to Idols". It was taking a look at the passage in 1 Corinthians where Paul addresses that exact issue, which was raised by the people of Corinth. In this letter we see Paul responding to the questions of the people about whether they should eat meat that has been sacrificed by pagans to their idols in the temple. When I first read this part of Corinthians I thought: If they think eating that meat is that big a deal then why don't they just not eat the meat from the temple? But it is not that easy. The temple was one of the main sources of meat for the city. The temple was the restaurant, the butcher in Corinth. So Paul warns the people not to be a Christian and go into the temple and take part of eating that meat which they know was just sacrificed to pagan idols.

However, Paul does not tell the people of Corinth to become vegetarians. He simply says there are some people that cannot get over the fact that the meat was sacrificed to an idol and that mind set defiles the meat for them. But then he says that there are some where that is not an issue for them, they know that food "does not bring them closer to God, no worse if we do not eat, no better if we do."

Paul doesn't want the folks who get it to influence the others to just go around eating the meat in the temple. He ends the section by saying: "Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall."

I think this is a chapter that can be over looked. It is so easy to just look at it and say okay, don't eat meat sacrificed to idols or don't influence those that don't have as much knowledge as you do to sin.

In the Eat Well book there was a lot of focus on Paul talking about knowledge. Paul starts off the chapter by saying: "We know that we all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." In some ways it is hard to even see how this relates to sacrificing food to idols. Paul just rambles on a little bit about knowledge and love before he goes on to address what the Corinthians were really asking. But it is amazing to see how in those two sentences he sets up the whole passage.

Paul tells us that we are not to lord our knowledge over other people and use that as a way of telling them what to do. In order for us to really help, to really show those who are "weaker" sometimes we have to put aside all the knowledge that we have about something and show them the way through love.

In the book there was an example about a couple and their young son. The son was convinced that there was a boar that lived in his room. Every night the boar would come out and keep the kid from being able to go to sleep. So his parents would come into the kids room and check out the situation until he was able to fall back asleep. Instead of the parents getting up every night and telling the kid that the boar did not exist they would chase him around the house until he left, they would capture him and toss him out the window, and then finally they drew a lifesize picture of it and burned the picture in the backyard getting rid of the boar for good. If the parents had gotten up every night and insisted that the boar was imaginary, or did not exist or tried to rationalize with the child, the boar would have still been a reality to the kid every night.

In this story the parents did not try to hold their knowledge over their son, but instead loved him and gave into his reality in order show him the truth. That is what Paul asks us to do, it may have to do with food here in 1 Corinthians, but can easily be applied to every part of life. We are inpatient and try to use our knowledge to tell them all in one time, thinking they will get it. But knowledge puffs up while love builds up....

O Little Town of Pheonix

2008-02-10T14:19:00.000-08:00

Word...

So about a week ago I got home from my very first mission trip, down south in Louisiana.

You can check out the pics here.

On our way out on Sunday one of the women from church told me to have fun and then said "there's just something about manual labor!" And my reply was that there really is. I love that kind of stuff and it is even better when you get the chance to do it for someone else.

So, we got down after the 20 hour van ride. I layed tile and painted the trim around the house. There was nice weather, but best of all really nice people. We got to spend a bit of time with a family whose house we didn't even work on. They were gracious enough to share a meal with us and then invite us into their home that they are working on rebuilding to try some authentic Gumbo. It was amazing, tons of different things go into that stuff, including what look like huge crab claws. Yummmm!!

I was really amazed at the sense of community that all of these people shared. It was a small town, you had to cross the Mississippi River by ferry to get to the grocery store. Everyone knew everyone else, not only that, they cared about everyone else. While we were working there were people popping up in the house all day long to see how things were going. We heard stories of people getting up at 5:30 in the morning to get a ferry over the river to be able to help the groups that were down there with building the houses.

There are some amazing people and amazing things taking place in a very devastated area. Donald, the husband of the family we spent some time with said that when things are happening that you don't know what God is thinking, what God has planned next. But afterward sometimes you can see what he had up his sleeve. If Katrina hadn't happened there wouldn't be hundreds or thousands of people giving up their comfortable lives to go down and help these people. There wouldn't be people that needed help.

People from all over the country are coming together in this one place and learning about community. I believe that Acts 2 is being carried out in that place everyday. People coming together in fellowship, breaking bread, giving to everyone as they have need, and having everything in common.

I didn't think about that at all going into this whole thing. As I came out of it I want to be like those people down there. People that have lost everything but feel like they have gained so much more. I am hoping to be more aware and intentional of caring for the community that I find myself in.

My salutation says it all
May you always have enough
Peace and love...

There were three who wouldn't bow...

2007-11-17T18:01:00.000-08:00

Hello my internet friends.

I love music. I love listening to it, attempting to play it on my freakin' sweet guitar, I love tapping my foot along to really good tunes, I love rockin' out and singing loud to the best sing alongs. Most importantly I love the words, the lyrics that move me to want to jump up and down and sing them out.

About a month ago Wendy made a youth group gig to go see Shane and Shane play in Grove City. We ended up making the trip with one student, oh well, it was fun and everyone else missed out. Anyway, so they played a song off their new cd and Wendy picked it up after the show. I put it on my phone, which also plays mp3's, and have been jammin' to it all the time.

Here are the words that get me every time:

Burn us up, burn us up, burn us up
Oh king, won't you burn us in the furnace of your desire
We give up, we give up, we give
Oh king won't you burn us in the furnace of your desire
Won't you save us from the fire

You are able to deliver, from the fire of affliction
It's the declaration of my Lord
You're not an image of gold, you're the God of old
You have made us, come and save us
We are yours
But even if you don't, even if you don't
We will burn, we will burn

This song by it self doesn't really seem like something I should be singing out, talking about wanting to burn in a fire. But it is referencing the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. They wouldn't give in to Nebechadnezzer and worship his idol, so they were thrown into the fiery furnace because they believed that their God would save them and even if he chose not to save them they would still go in the fire knowing that their God is the true God.

So when I sing those words something inside of me gets so excited to know that my God will save me, he will deliver me from my grief, my pain, my struggles. He will bring me through the fires in my life. And so I sing those words, that he will deliver me, that he has made and will save me. Then I get to the end of the song and these words are not of doubt or unbelief or sadness. I sing out "even if you don't, we will burn."

I will take on every fire, I will stand my ground and be thrown in. And I believe and trust in my God that he will save. But if something comes along and he doesn't, I will burn for his sake.

Shane and Shane "Burn us up" from the album Pages

Squatter, Jawbone, Outlawed, Qat...

2007-08-14T17:35:00.000-07:00

Wendy and I don't have the internet in out apartment, yet. Maybe when I get a good job we will be able to afford all of those really cool luxuries. However, when that happens we will not have the need to hang out at Panera all the time. I think that we have been to every Panera that is within a reasonable distance to our home. Any time that we are going somewhere we plan Panera into our journey and hang out there before or after.

Today for five dollar movie day we will be seeing the Simpsons movie.

A couple weeks ago we decided that we needed a board game that you can play with two people. So we went out to Walmart and bought Scrabble. Up until we bought this game I have loathed the game of Scrabble. It has always intimidated me and in all of the times I had played previously I had a hard time coming up with a word that was more than something a 5 year old would put down.

Wendy is one of the smartest people that I know. She has an incredible vocabulary and knows words that I can't believe are actually words. Needless to say I thought I was going to get my butt kicked.

So we played and played and played. And I have not lost a single game against anyone. Total Scrabble domination!!

And last night at approximately 9:53 PM I put down the best Scrabble word ever: Outlawed. That word landed me a whopping 158 points!!

I feel like I should retire now, but Wendy just bought a Scrabble Dictionary. So I suppose I need to keep playing so she can put down all those really strange words that she knows and actually be able to prove to me they are words. That's when the tables will turn and my winning will cease to happen.

Until then you can call me Super Scrabble Woman. (Not to be confused with Super Flash Flood Woman, but I can see the similarities)

Goodbye.

PS Anberlin in 4 days. : )

I am the patron saint of lost causes...

2007-08-11T13:53:00.001-07:00

Here I am.

I will update my life since I haven't posted anything relevant for a long time. I have an apartment in Pittsburgh with Wendy. It is beautiful. I was looking for a job when I first got here and I ended up working at a summer school for kids that have autism and behavioral problems. It was crazy. I got bit, scratched, kicked, punched and called about as many horrible names a 10 year old can possibly conjure up. I would come home exhausted, sometimes I would cry, other days I would have fun stories to tell.

When I got the chance to get away from being beat up, I spent most of my time with a girl who was very far behind her peers developmentally. She is autistic, not very good with fine motor skills and almost completely non-verbal (the only word she knew how to say was bye bye). But I enjoyed my time with her so much. She would walk around the classroom picking up an object in one spot and carrying it over to somewhere completely different. At first it was annoying, but as she warmed up to me it became funny. Neither student nor teacher could ever find what they were looking for and the words "Oh, Jenna" would usually follow the end of their search.

She never liked to sit down, it was impossible to get her to do any school work, sometimes she would just burst out screaming and she made a mess every time she ate anything. But we enjoyed time at the beach filling buckets with sand, and when all the other kids were playing on the water slide we filled up buckets of water and dumped them out over and over again.

All of that sounds like fun, but to get her to transition from one thing to another took enormous effort and most of the time she ended up biting herself as her coping mechanism. When she wouldn't do what she needed to or her wandering/picking up things/yelling got too much to handle we would give her food to get her to do what we wanted. As if she were some sort of pet, filling her up with treats all day long. It made me feel horrible each time it happened.

On the last day of school we played with our buckets and water outside and eventually she ended up playing in the mud, just like a little kid should. When we made it inside she began to have seizures, one right after the other. We tried to get her to sit down, to clean her up, but she wouldn't sit any other time why now? She would get up and start wandering around and it would happen again, she would fall and hurt herself and I was scared to death. She would fight us if we tried to keep her sitting down, but she would fall every time she got up. It was the scariest thing I have ever been through. I feared for her life.

I cried that day when I came home. I had nightmares that she was falling over and over again and there was nothing I could do to help.

There were days I would look into her eyes and get a blank stare in return. My heart hurt for her, for her life, for her happiness. I wanted to help her, to do everything for her, to give her whatever would make her happy, to get her to be able to do everything that she should be doing by the time she is 10 years old. But I could do nothing. She still has so much life to learn, to live and I wanted to give that all to her.

So, someday, whenever I take all those test I have to take, fill out all those applications and send all those resumes I am going to help all the kids that are just like her. Help them in whatever way that I can. Whatever way will give them the life that they deserve to live.

One little girl has changed my life.